Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
