Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize