so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
40s are totally the cure
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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