if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
