I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
