I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
