So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize