That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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