Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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