Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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