Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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