After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I see more hoeing in ur future
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
