I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Bring me that man meat
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
