Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
