Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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