I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize