I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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