he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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