You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
