he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Randomize
