Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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