You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
a search helicopter?!
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
