4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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