tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
