My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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