I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
