Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
