i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
