he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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