I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
