i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize