I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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