:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
