Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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