Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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