Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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