hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
