11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
