I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
