She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize