Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
