Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Randomize
