I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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