Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
