You can't motorboat a personality
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
