$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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