He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
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