the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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