I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
