So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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