we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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