I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
