i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
