I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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