Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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