so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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