im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
