I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
