If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
