Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
