It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Randomize
