I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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