dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Randomize
