I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
