Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
