my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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