Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
