I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
