it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
