Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
