honey bunches of taint.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
