I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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