i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
