i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
