so that wasnt chicken after all
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
