think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
