if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
