No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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