My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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