Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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