It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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