Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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