I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
