is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
