a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
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