I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Dignity is for republicans.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I said "one day" and that day is not today
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
