Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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