If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
you would pick up someone in the library
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
