Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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