Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
