that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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